‘Regression’
29th May 1968, probably a relatively non important day for most people but for me it was the day I made my way in to the big wide world...
Born to Loesje Van Cappellen and Charles Alan Sapherson at the maternity unit in St Mary’s hospital Leeds, I made my entrance at approximately 11.27am on a warm spring morning.
That was probably my introduction to photography as with most babies within seconds of popping out of the warm safety of my mother’s womb a camera lens was shoved intrusively into my face, there were no fake smiles or interesting poses the images were candid and I didn’t care that my face was screwed up and my mouth was wide open while I squawked and wriggled uncomfortable in my mother’s arms.
I suppose like most babies and young children the early years of my youth were recorded in numerous amounts of photographs taken at social and family gatherings...then of course there were the snapped milestones, the first smile, the first time I sat or crawled right through until I was old enough to start school.
As a newborn May 1968
With my brother end Nov 1968
Finally a laugh!! End November 1968
It’s quite odd really that even at such a young age babies and children associate the camera lens as something you perform to. Even the tiniest baby if made to smile with play to the camera, I think that is where my fascination with taking photographs probably started from. I remember being asked to smile and thinking how much fun it would be to be defiant and make silly faces rather than do the pose I had been asked to do...funniest part for me was looking at the developed pictures and seeing what a dork I’d made of myself and how amusing it was to watch the reaction of others looking at my silly photos.
I suppose the reality is at this early stage in my life although I knew what a camera was used for and how to perform in front of one I really hadn’t had the opportunity to actually take photographs for myself. This came several years later probably at around seven or eight when my parents suddenly started to allow me to hold the camera and play with the buttons, this intrigued me and when I was around nine I can clearly remember a photographer from the Yorkshire Evening post turning up at my house with a “great” big camera to take my photograph for a story that I’d written that was to appear in the newspaper. How thrilling this was for me, strange really but just because the camera was massive compared to what I’d seen I felt really important and even at the tender age of nice felt the size of the lens made the camera so much more impressive.
That’s basically when I started having an interest in taking photographs and although I didn’t get my own camera until a lot older I do remember enjoying the experience of taking photographs at parties and events we visited.
When I look at the old photographs I have of myself and those I took I can see so many things wrong with them I wouldn’t have noticed prior to doing this course or learning good photographic techniques from books and the internet.
This was the article used in the Yorkshire post along with the photograph which was taken by a professional photographer back in 1977.
For several years I continued just messing with my parent’s camera until the age of eleven when for the first time I actually wanted to take a really great photograph for a competition I was entering with the Girl Guide Association.
It was a beautiful sunny day, cold but the sun was shining majestically in the sky. I’d gone to the cupboard to find the camera as I needed to take some photographs for this competition. After searching furtively for a few minutes I realised the camera was missing so went around the house asking if anyone had seen it. Upon finding my older brother I found he had the camera in his room and although not using it he was reluctant to hand it over to me as there was only half a film left and he wanted to keep that in case he decided to take some photographs at a later date.
The camera was right there , I could have grabbed it and run out of the room but I was scared of how he’d react so argued with him as siblings do until my mum got involved and chose me over him...I’d won the battle over who could use the camera and now through spite more than necessity I was determined to use whatever film up that was left just so he couldn’t have it, I was a devious little so and so but luckily over the years I’ve changed for the better.
I remember going outside in to the garden just because it was bright and sunny and wondering to myself what I was actually going to photograph. There were no specific instructions for the competition to what your picture had to be of so I just went out and looked around.
Hanging from my mum’s washing line was a pair of socks, nothing else just these socks gently blowing in the wind, the way the sun was cascading across them resulted in them appearing strangely interesting.
I took a shot with precision or what I believed was precision at the time, thinking to myself this will be the winning photograph if it comes out as I see it with my eyes. At this point there was no way I was going to succumb to my brothers wishes of allowing him the remainder of the film so I continued snapping inanimate objects around the garden just out of spite really. Although I had absolutely no idea about camera skills, lighting or aperture I do remember thoroughly enjoying the experience of having complete control of what I was capturing and found some bizarre objects to photograph.
Needless to say I never did win the photography competition but it did make me much more interested in learning about techniques and what each button was actually for...subsequently I forgot most of what I learnt in my childhood prior to starting this course.
‘Swaying socks in the sunlight’ (Sept 1978) taken with an Olympus OM-2
This is the image I took for the girl guides association photography competition.
‘Teenage years’
As a teenager although I still enjoyed taking photographs they tended to be mostly snap shots candidly taken of my friends, holiday destinations and nights out that I went on. At fifteen I actually asked for my own camera for my birthday and remember going around Leeds city centre looking at cameras available to purchase at that time. I think I eventually decided on a modern looking point and shoot battery operated Kodak one. I was so proud when I was eventually allowed to actually have it on my birthday and remember loading the colour 35mm film in so carefully and precisely as to not ruin it at all.
At this point I joined a camera club in North Leeds which really opened my eyes to what was possible to achieve in photography with the correct equipment and knowledge. I loved attending the club and learnt a lot about processing and styles of photography. One night at the club we took photographs with professional lighting and processed our own films with the guidance of a professional photographer. Oh boy was I proud of my first ever print and I really wanted to become a qualified professional photographer right at that moment. Unfortunately as with most wishes we have as young teens my life didn’t quite go the way I’d have liked it to and I never got to fulfil that desire until almost thirty years later.
This was the first image I ever processed chemically myself, I would have been approx fifteen at the time.
‘Adulthood’
1988...at the tender age of twenty I embarked on a career working with people with HIV and AIDS at what was then ‘Bridgeside’, now better referred to as the Terrence Higgins Trust drop in centre in Leeds City centre. I loved the work but felt I would earn a better income if I gained some qualifications that would give me more scope to be promoted. I enrolled on a BSC in Human Biology which I completed in 1992. Although I loved the work at Bridgeside I disliked the course I’d chosen tremendously. I completed it with a heavy heart as I knew even though I was a worthy of gaining better paid employment I opted to stay at Bridgeside as I’d developed great friendships with the clients and enjoyed the different experiences I was involved in. I’m not a particularly money orientated person and felt much happier working in an environment that was interesting and gave me an insight into other peoples difficulties. Perhaps this is partly where my interest in documenting the homeless in my photography came from, I’ve always felt drawn to people less fortunate than myself and like to feel needed and wanted.
Photography was a part of my experiences at Bridgeside and I remember taking many photographs of the clients throughout my time there. I suppose I became the resident photographer and began to be nominated to take photographs at events and parties hosted at the centre. I don’t have many of these images still but I’ve managed to find a few of the later ones taken probably in the late 90’s.
Irish band raising money for HIV and Aids 1998
As you can see from the images they are not of any great quality but I did manage to at least get some movement on the second image. I think it was probably more accident than skill to be honest, but I do remember noticing that it looked good even though at the time I wasn’t aware of why. That’s one of the major changes between now and then, since taking a BA honours in Photography I’ve actually learnt what the techniques are called and when it would be appropriate to use them.
My life for a few more years continued on a fairly mundane route, living life, working and then in January 1996 meeting who I thought was the man of my dreams...unfortunately I was wrong, perhaps as wrong as anyone could be.
I’d found out I was pregnant at Christmas 1996 almost a year after meeting my ‘Knight in shining armour’, once he found out the news he was completely against the pregnancy and I quickly began to describe him as my ‘Nightmare in tinfoil’. I was twenty eight years old, living in a one bed roomed flat in a not so wonderful part of Leeds (mainly because it was close to where I worked) and facing a pregnancy alone. I sunk into a deep depression and couldn’t imagine having any kind of future as a single mum. This is probably one of my bleakest moments, an area I don’t like to think about often. I gave birth to Joshua William Sapherson on 28th August 1997 and I knew as soon as I saw him I’d be ok...I knew no matter what was thrown in my direction I’d overcome it for the sake of my baby, a person in his own right yet completely reliant on me.
Joshua was probably one of the most photographed babies on the face of the earth, I know all parents are biased about how gorgeous their babies are but Joshua truly was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen. People commented on his looks all the time and having photographs of him all around my home not only gave me loads of practice taking photographs but it also made me recognise just how much I really had achieved photographically without any formal training.
I had a little red 35mm camera and must have spent a fortune on film and developing over the first year. I always got excited about how my photos would come out and raced to boots to have them developed as soon as the film was finished.
One of the most memorable experiences I had as an unprofessional photographer was when I decided to go off for the day with my kids to the Yorkshire Dales. I hoped to capture some candid shots of the boys and some breathtaking scenery. Unfortunately this wasn’t to happen as within ten minutes of getting there I’d managed to drop the camera fully loaded with a new film into a stream...I never got my photographs but it taught me a valuable lesson. Now I knew I’d always have to take extra film and a second camera if I was serious about getting some decent photographs. The camera dried out and worked fine surprisingly. I went on to use it for years until I finally bought myself a digital about four years later.
(Taken on 35mm film) ‘The boys as babies’
My first ever digital camera, I can recall feeling really proud of it when I took it anywhere. Digital was fairly new at this time and if I remember right I paid about £140 for a 2mpx Kodak Easy share camera, it even came with a CD that had Kodak’s own editing suite on. I was made up; it was the bee’s knees at the time. The initial layout for the camera almost broke my bank but I quickly realised how much I was actually saving on print costs and how much quicker and easier it was to see your photographs.
I loved this camera and I really got my money’s worth out of it. I replaced it with a 10mpx Samsung in2007 and that is the camera I took the photographs with that I used for my portfolio to get a place on the Foundation Degree. I still have it and it still takes really nice quality photographs, although since being on the course I can see a huge difference between the quality of a point and shoot compared to an SLR. The clarity of the image is so obvious once you are aware of what you’re looking for.
September2007, all my kids had started school and I was working part-time as Bridgeside still. I’d had the idea of taking some kind of photography course for a few months but really had no idea what it was I really wanted to learn. I had a passion for taking photographs but wasn’t really sure if I’d be good enough to take my hobby any further. Of course my family and friends all said my pictures of my kids were really nice but it wasn’t until I took a holiday to Reykjavik I really wanted to become better at taking photographs. Whilst visiting I saw the Aurora Borealis and it was breathtakingly beautiful. I took photographs and realised that although they were nice if I had the right equipment and knowledge I could take photographs of such a wonderful sight and actually sell them. I have never experienced beauty like you see at Aurora Borealis, the light is awesome, the colours and textures in the sky are surreal. I came home in the January of 2008 and I was ready to tackle whatever it took to become a photographer and make money out of my images. Reykjavik was my eye opener to what real photography was all about!
New Year 2008, I’d just returned from my holiday to Reykjavik and seriously began searching for courses or classes that were available to teach me the whole concept of photography as both an art and a skill. I’d seen a few courses that ran in the evening for a night a week for ten or twelve weeks but as a single mum, working part time and claiming tax credits to boost my income I knew I’d struggle to pay for something like that. Park Lane as it was at the time was offering a BTEC in Photography that read well and seemed to cover the subject to a level I felt I could achieve. Having been out of education for almost twenty years I wasn't too confident about how I’d manage the work load. But nevertheless I filled out the relevant application forms and waited to hear...and waited and waited! Finally midsummer 2008 I got the letter I was hoping for, I’d succumbed to the idea that I’d not been accepted as I’d waited that long to hear anything. Receiving the letter asking me to go for an interview lifted my confidence slightly but I was still extremely anxious about the prospect of being interviewed as it wasn't something I’d done for years. I gathered a few of what I felt were my best photographs at the time and had them enlarged and printed out to take in as my portfolio. I had no idea what a portfolio should be like and took in a miss- mash of images all different sizes and just stuck them in a large brown envelope...how different that same interview would be today now I know exactly what a portfolio should be presented like. There would be no brown envelope but a leather bound professional looking folder with images neatly mounted in between sheer plastic sheets. It’s funny how something that seemed so unimportant three years ago would now be one of the most important factors for any interview I attended that had to do with photography.
I can’t remember the exact date of my interview but I do know it was a Thursday and the weather was wonderful, the sun was shining it was warm and I felt content although rather nervous about the impending interview. I remember David my best friend came along to give me some moral support, I expected he’d wait outside whilst I went in for my interview, but in true Matt and Phil (my tutors) fashion they invited him in and showed him around the studio. As soon as I went in my anxiety lifted and I saw the work other student had done and thought I want to do that. I was being interviewed in a completely informal relaxed way and that made it so much easier for me to express how important doing the BTEC was for me. I showed them my photographs and we had a good old natter. I wasn’t expecting what happened next in the slightest. Matt basically told me I seemed competent and keen and he suggested I forgot about applying for the BTEC and went straight for the foundation degree. I was gobsmacked, didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t even sure what the foundation degree was as I’d not seen anything in the course handbook about it. The nerves kicked in again and as they explained more about the course the more nervous I became about not being intelligent enough to do the work. Another concern of mine was the financial aspects. I knew with the BTEC I could still work and claim benefit to boost my income, with a Foundation degree I had no clue what money I would be entitled to claim. I shouldn’t have worried like I did, Matt and Phil both talked me through everything, and then directed me down to finance support to discuss what entitlements I’d be eligible to claim. To be honest at this point I really wasn’t sure if I’d get a place or even if I did get a place whether I could manage the workload.
I left feeling slightly uneasy, I knew I wanted to do the foundation degree but it seemed as though there might be just to many obstacles in the way for me to actually take a place if one were offered.
I wasn’t a single young person with no commitments or money problems. I was a 40 year old woman, I’d a home to run, kids to support and worked part-time. How would I cope?
You know what I did, I went home and I sat down and I said to David, if I don’t take this chance now it may never be offered to me again. I knew it was going to be hard and would probably cause a lot of disruption to my children’s lives but for once in my life I was prepared to put myself first and do something I wanted and needed to do. In the long run my kids would benefit although I knew for the three years I was studying things were going to be very hard and we’d all have to make sacrifices. To be fair I didn’t think that was such a bad thing for any of us, change isn’t always easy but I wanted to show my children that taking risks now and again is an important way of growing as a person and developing new skills both academically and socially.
The letter arrived offering me a place as long as I had the funding to pay for the course, which by this point I knew I could get. So, I signed it posted it back and accepted the offer.
I was ready to learn and spent a good few weeks trying to convince myself that I was intelligent enough to do this course and I’d be absolutely fine.
To be continued.....
